Allergy.

Damn! i think i may be allergic to panadol extra too! or is it the caffine in the tablet? feeling shivery after taking it.

if this is so, then the only pain relief medicine i can take is the normal panadol. Am allergic to all pain killer after the birth of alexius.

checked... checked...

2 items checked today...

Mr Lee received his results today ;) he passed the property exams!!!

Mr Younger Lee... Alexius... finally poo poo in the potty ;) so i think i can say bye bye to baby diapers!!!

Hmm... anymore outstanding items to be checked??

Too many good byes for Gaby

Another sad day on Tuesday... More goodbyes for us.

Gaby had to say goodbye to his fav piano teacher cos she is going back to China for good.

On the way to lesson, I asked Gaby...

Me: Today will be your last lesson with Ms Lee... are you sad.
Gaby: Yes, mummy... I am very sad. I like Ms Lee a lot.
Me: Well, I think its ok to give her a hug later after lesson when you say good bye to her (Gaby likes to hug those pple that he likes... but he draws a line between pple like his teachers unless i "ok" it)

And since we are talking about good byes, i thought i can ask him about the reason why he cried last night...

Me: Gaby, do you like ang mo kio?
Gaby : yes... but i also like boon tiong road.
Me: I am already missing our old bedroom... what about you?
Gaby: Me too. I missed our old bedroom and also the bathroom.
Me: why did you cry last nite?
Gaby: I missed Boon Tiong Road
Me: Why didnt you tell me last nite?
Gaby: Becos I didnt know how to tell you.
Me: Was it a new kind of feeling for you?
Gaby: yes...

So I think he didnt know how to talk about this "new" feeling that he was feeling on Monday nite. Plus he knew that he had to say another good bye to Ms Lee the next day... too many goodbyes to handle for a 5 yo boy.

Today, I saw comment that Ms Lee left on my facebook. She commented that she is already missing Gaby. So I told him about it and he said he missed Ms Lee too and everytime when he plays on the piano, he'll remember her. He is such a sweet boy... he said that he wishes Ms Lee to be happy when she is away. Cos he'll be sad when she is sad. And he doesnt wish that Ms Lee be sad cos he'll cry if he knows it.

Actually, I like Ms Lee a lot too and really hope that I wish her happiness wherever she is.

First nite in amk

Monday was the BIG day. I woke up at around 6am to get some more packing done. My heart was so heavy on that day. Part of me was hoping that its all a dream and that we are not moving at all. Had to hold back my tears a few times throught out the day. And after that I regretted holding back them cos in the night and the next couple of days, I was feeling so so down and wished that i could cry but just couldnt. I dont understand why this is so... did the tears dried up inside me?

I think i wouldnt talk abt the moving... too much to type. I just want to talk about what happened on the first nite.

We had to attend a dinner at Lengkok Bahru... every1 went there except Nika. So sweet of her to have volunteered to stay at home to help clear up some packing so that we could all sleep at night.

On the way home from dinner, Gaby was very quiet. Could sense that he wasnt his usual self. When we reached home, he told me that he didnt feel good... could see that he was almost crying. And he didnt want to drink milk before going to bed.

Gaby: Mummy, i dont feel good. (Sad sad face and teary eyes)
Me : Why darling?
Gaby: I just dont feel good and I dont think I want to drink milk tonite.
Me: Do you want to cry? If you feel like crying, its ok to do so... and it'll make you feel better (I am guessing that he must have missed our old place)

He went into the room and cried a little bit. After that, he told me that he felt better...

To be continued...

Out of the blue... out of diaper... and out comes the pee pee

It started on around Wednesday... Nika showered Alexius while I was out and when i came back home, she told me that Alexius peeped without wearing a diaper :) She said that he stood in the toilet and peeped on the floor. But after that, just in case he peeped on the floor, I put on his diaper for him.

On Thursday, I tried again when i gave him a shower. I asked him to pee in the toilet but he didnt want to use the potty so i just let him peeped on the toilet floor. So now I was pretty sure he could pee upon command. But again, just in case he couldnt tell on time that he needs to pee, i put on his diaper.

Friday thru' Saturday, we tried the same... asked him to pee in the toilet before he took his shower. But this time, he agreed to use the potty. But we still put on the diaper on him when he went to bed at night.

Then today, we didnt use the diaper at all. He uses the potty thru' out the day ;)
Oh, except for the morning cos he wanted to poo and he wanted to poo in his diaper. So i am pretty sure that we are heading towards diaper-free days... soon!

p.s Mr Lee feels that it could be becos that we moved to amk and a change in the environment helps in getting him to go to the potty.

Fireworks from my balcony - Vivo City

As i stand there watching the fireworks from my balcony... i felt so sad that its the last vivo city firework that i will see. I have never been a big fan of fireworks until tonight. Is it becos we are moving out soon that gotten me feeling this way about fireworks?

So proud of you, my son ;)

Gaby has so far memorised his timetables... except for 3 timetable. Cos its the same tune as 2 timetable so he always gets mixed up with the 2's. But anyway, i am still very proud of him. I only started memorising the timetables when i was ard 9 years old. And to be frank, i am still not too good with the 8's and 9's.

Diet

Gaby : Mum, are u going on a diet?
Me : Why? Do I look fat?
Gaby : Dad said u are fat and need to go on diet.
Me : When did he say that?
Gaby : During dinner time lor.
Me : So do u think i am fat?
Gaby : Ya, but u still look pretty.
Me : Then who do u think is not fat?
Gaby : Aiden's mum.

Cold Cold Milk

Alexius : Mum, I want cold cold milk (breastmilk)
Me : Sorry son, mum no more cold cold milk
Alexius : Mum, go pump milk la
Me : No milk already la... how to pump milk?
Alexius : Mum, u go buy a new pump lor.

He is still hoping that i get a new pump so that i can pump him some breastmilk woh.

rabbits on the celing?

some weird dreams... dreamt that mr lee brought back some plants and these plants were blooming. lots of flowers and buds. lots of ants trying to bring the buds away from the plant. then i saw the ants slowly bringing the buds to the ceiling. oh, in the dream, we are staying at amk 118... then lots of bees and butterflies flying around the buds that were already on the ceiling... then 3 same little white rabbits on the ceiling, trying to eat the buds.

one small white dog came into the house. poofie tried to chase it around. then a black head with black poka dots drey JRT came into the house too. again poofie tried to chase it around and out of the house. then brown dog owner came to look for brown dog but brown dog already ran to another neighbour's place...

weird weird weird...

When they grow up

Recently, Gaby has been telling me that he wants to be a rich man when he grows up.

"Mum, when I grows up, I want to be rich man. When I am rich then I will be a teacher".

And he told me that he doesnt want to be a bad guy cos normally a bad person ends up in jail... which he doesnt want to.

And whenever Gaby tells me about his "future plans", Alexius will also get excited and tells me that he wants to be a ... ... well, he actually has a list of what he wants to be. He isnt as "focus" as his brother.

This is his list :
Soldier
Policeman
Fireman
President
Rich man
Teacher
*Gaby disapproves the first 3 cos he finds them too dangerous and he doesnt want Alexius to get hurt or die*

Alexius : I want to be a soldier when i grow up
Gaby : No, I dont want you to be a soldier cos i dont want you to die
Me : Huh? die?
Gaby : Ya, he'll get killed by the enemy.
Alexius : Then I want to be a president.
Gaby : Ok, u can be a president.

Everyday is Saturday

To Alexius, everyday is a saturday... how nice right?

Anything that happened in the past happened on saturday.

Anything that will happen in the future will happen on saturday.

To him, yesterday, today and tomorrow is saturday.

I love u too!

When we came home from Gaby's piano lesson yesterday, Nika informed that when Alexius woke up at 4pm and realised that Gaby and me had left for lesson without him, he couldnt stop crying. Nika took a long time to calm him down. He was so sad and he told Nika that mummy didnt want him anymore cos mummy doesnt love him. Nika had to tell him that his mummy loves him and still wants him... mummy went to piano class with Gaby becos didi didnt want to wake up. Aiyo, my 2 kids are so drama mama somethimes.

what's next?

oh my goodness! it must have been months since i last came here!

so i am not going to talk about the past... cos so much had happened that i don't really know where to start.

haizz...

time flies!

it'll soon be the end of 2010. i am looking forward to a new year, a new chapter for everyone at home.

Offically 5!

妈妈去pump milk

Alexius : 我要喝cold cold milk
Me : 没有cold cold milk 了啦. 妈妈没有pump milk 那里有cold cold milk 喝.
Alexius :你去pump milk.

3 days...

Today is the 3rd day... The cow is gone. Somehow, I miss it.

Supposed to be the last drop

I have been thinking hard abt it and decided that Friday would be the last day i pump milk. Was so determined about it... I even told Ms Fat Fingers. Haizzz... BUT... Big fat but... i woke up on saturday morning and was like... very lost, dont know what to do. when i went into the kitchen to get Alexius' milk ready and saw the pump, i just couldnt help it and thought "Alright, pump another day... anyway am free in the next 2 hours" so I took the pump into my room and express again. And since 1 day of pumping will not be enough for Alexius', I have to do it the next day.

I kept asking myself "why do u still want to do it?" It's been 2 1/2 years. Enough. So today i am more determined to do it. One big reason being Ms Fridge is not working properly today. No proper storage for my milk.

Am really sad to be putting away the pump. I really dont understand why i could develop such strong attachment to it?

Good bye Jerry

Not sure when but Jerry seems to have not visit Gaby for a long time. Jerry used to be everywhere around Gaby 24/7. But not now anymore :( Gaby doesnt seem to be affected by the absence of Jerry. There isnt any tearful goodbyes... But I feel a little sad that Jerry is gone.

Now I can fully understand why Jerry was such an important friend of Gaby. Reason being that Gaby was very lonely. Alexius was too young to be Gaby's playmate then so no choice, Gaby brought Jerry into his life. Jerry has been such a good companion... he played and did everything with Gaby. And they didnt fight at all... I think that's the best part of having Jerry.

When I look at Gaby interacting with Alexius, sometimes I will imagine Alexius being Jerry... weird thou... seems as if Jerry has taken its form...

Jerry, thank you so much for being such a faithful friend to Gaby... keeping him company thru thin and thick... not a single word of complain from you for all the nonsense that you have to put up with Gaby. Doing anything that Gaby instructed. All this while waiting patiently for Alexius to grow up so that Alexius takes over your role of being Gaby's buddy...

It has been really fun having you around. I will miss you very much. Do feel free to drop by whenever u want. Byesss.

May you never steal, lie or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows, if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life and if you must cheat, please cheat death because i couldn't live a day without you....

Beethoven's letters to his Immortal Beloved.
Ever thine.
Ever mine.
Ever ours.

Lee Circus

Practicing for circus performance...

Play dead

I remember Gaby asking me about death when he was about 2+... he was already asking about how rain comes about... why this why that... And ever since we moved into our new place, he has a better idea about death cos our fishes died and also being in a neighbourhood with lots of old folks around, we have a funeral wake like every other week at the multi-purpose all... i call it the funeral parlour. And a few months back, we attended a friend' dog's funeral and also visitd the dog's newborned puppies. So Gaby has more or less understand the concept of life and death.

I hve been thinking when or how to explain this thing to Alexius... because these days he keeps lying on the floor and play dead. And whenever he does it, he really lie very still. Does he really know what is death??

Alexius has been asking me the 2 W's. What and Where... What is this? Mummy where are you going? Where is Gabriel? I wonder when will he start Why's? Am a little worried because Gaby always provide him with the answers, not giving him the opportunity to ask why. How?

New Name

Alexius has decided to change his name to Lee Tuck Dong Chiang... Everytime I asked him "didi, what's your name?" and he'll reply "Lee Tuck Dong Chiang". The funny thing is that he will still keep the "Lee". I hope he won't reply this when his teacher ask him. He is starting school next week.

All fall down. Down... down... down...

Alexius came home with a painful left knee... fell down at the badminton court.

Gaby came home with a painful right knee... fell down in front of the carpark.

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

So how? To stop... no?

And this morning is back to 120ml... so what does that mean? To continue and let it dry out naturally?? Confused!

Lowest today

I really think my breastfeeding days are numbered... very numbered. This morning's harvest was just 60ml... the ususal morning ollection was between 180ml to 160ml. But since 2 mornings ago, it has dropped to 150ml. I have alrady sensed it that my milk flow will cut dwn these few days becos even the daytime collection was diminshing. From a collection of 100ml per pump to 60ml per pump.

I am feeling abit of mixed feelings. I have been thinking of losing weight or so long and it means that if i cut down on my carbo intake, my milk flow will be affected. So I have been toying with the idea of stopping for a while. and now that the flow is lesser, I am feeling some sort of sad. Sad that my boy will no longer enjy the goodness from his mother. Somehow i feel that by me stopping giving Alexius breastmilk, it means that he is no longer a baby. I know I know that he is already 2years and 1 month old... not a baby any more. But somehow, I feel that he is a baby since he is still drinking my milk.

Guess I just have t face the fact la...

How to stop itchy mozzy bite?

a drop of breastmilk...

Bob Boots

Sit down

I can't wait

During lunch today...

Gaby : Mum, i can't wait to grow up and marry a wife.

Me : Oh, anyone in mind that you would like to marry?

Gaby : Yes, I think i would marry Charmine. But how do you know when its time to get married?

Me : You have to be sure that you love the girl a lot and you are ready to protect her and spend your life with her... and stay together.

Gaby : Then what about Charmine? Will she know it? She is still so young?

Me : Well, she has to be also ready... she has to love you and wants to stay with you as a family.

Gaby : Ok, I can't wait to grow up like you and I can't wait to get married...

Not late...just delayed

Gaby's first day of school was delayed till 18th Jan because there was a slight delay in the school premise renovation.



When we arrived in school, he was still quite happy but when we entered the classroom, he started to tear and didnt want to sit down at the desk. I tried to talk to him and assured him that it'll be a fun day in school. One of his classmates, Hari, came out of the classroom and tried to hold his hand and lead him back into the room again. How sweet of Hari! I remember that he used to be quite a naughty boy last year cos Gaby always come home telling me that Hari had gotten into trouble with so and so or Hari bullied so and so and was scolded by the teacher. Somehow, we managed to get him back into class.

All was well after that... Gaby was very chatty when he came home from school. During lunchtime, we talked about his morning in school and I asked him why he cried. He told me that he was worried that his classmates from last year will not be there so he cried. But when he went into class and found most of them still in the same class as him, he was very glad. And there is this girlfriend of his that was previously in N1 but disappeared from N2 came back and attend K1 with him this year. Think the girl's name is Charmine... He sat with her in class on the first day cos he thought she'll be scared being in his class again. And i think he still sits with her in class after the first day. The only thing that he was a little upset about was that Megan wsn't as friendly to him since school reopens. Told him that perhaps Megan needs more time to warm up to him after not seeing him for 2 months.

Memory... Video in the head

Last Monday I brought Gaby to the Hollywood Dinos Park at Jurong Bird Park. He enjoyed himself so much that he kept asking me to go bring him there again. Will see how la. If he behaves himself well then perhaps I will bring him there again before they are gone in Feb.

Anyway, there is this dinosaur that he likes a lot. But too bad, I didnt take any short video of it, only photos. So he has been asking me why I didnt do it. And now that he wants to look at it to remind him of how the dinosaur is, there isnt any. So I told him that there is a little camera in his mind that has already captured it. All he has to do is to close his eyes and think about it and he could see the dinosaur again. So he did it and he was very surprised and happy that he can see it! Then he started to ask me questions about this "camera"... how come it can be in his head?? So I told him that this is "memory". Whatever things that he saw or did, it'll be stored in his memory. And when he wants to see them again, he could just closed his eyes and think about them and he'll be able to see them.

So yesterday while we were on our way home from the carpark, Gaby suddenly told me that he could see Xiao Ah Yi (my younger sister). He had his eyes closed. He said that he misses her and so he closed his eyes and he saw her. I hope he put this to good use ie, for learning purpose.

Long time no see...

Yes, yes, i know... i havent been blogging very frequently. Not that i dont have much to talk about. There were lots that i want to write abt but just that i kind of having mental blocks whenever i log in to my blog. I have been wanting to talk abt the kids, activities that happened during the school hols, inez and martin's visit, breastmilk, etc...

Anyway, am busy now. Have to wait for the boys to sleep then come back here again.

Baby dinosaur... where??

Gaby: Mum, look what's inside my basket?
Me took a look into an empty basket...
Gaby: How? cute or not?
Me took a closer look into an empty basket...
Gaby: My baby dinosaur... cute right?
Me: Yes, very cute.