2nd time... 2nd chance...

This is how Alexius looks like now. Looks a little puffy.

I am expressing my breast milk while writting this...

I feel like this is a 2nd chance given to me for being a mother. I kept going thru' the things that i've experienced during the 1st time and there seems to be lots of things that i wanted to do differently. For example, I wanted to have a happier confinement, I want to breast feed for as long as I can manage, I will not go into any post natal blues, etc, etc...

Well, did i have a happier confinement? I think so so only. There were some stuff that i wanted to do differently this time but with my mum around, there isn't much that i can do except to follow by her rules... despite being in my own house! The only thing i can hope for is that she doesn't pick on my helper that much. Sometimes I will wonder if there is a problem with helper. But so far, I'm really happy with her performance leh... so don't really understand why mum is always finding faults with her... all I really want is peace in the household. Like what Boon always says... the helper is here to help with the household chores and not to increase problems in the household.

Breastfeeding... well, I am producing enough milk now... but it's just that the process of expressing the milk can be quite depressing. Alexius doesn't really latch on well so he prefers the bottle then my breasts. So at times I do feel like stopping.

Post natal blues... so long it's peaceful in the household i think i can still manage. I will tell myself every morning that i have to take things easy and not to get upset with the nitty gritties. I don't want to history repeat itself. I want to be able to look at Alexius and not feel the guilt that i felt when i look at Gabriel. I don't want to feel sorry for myself when the kids are older and regret that I haven't enjoy motherhood.